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Vampires Suck, a review
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
If the team of Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker refined the spoof genre, Friedburg and Seltzer are slowly killing it with their parodies. The Wayans Bros. may have weakened the genre, but look no further than Friedburg and Seltzer, with their lazy jokewriting, their cheap references and their teeth-grinding, completely unrelated rap numbers to kill the film area.
These men are bonafide 100 percent hacks of the highest level. Epic Movie was completely lazy while Meet the Spartans made me lose faith in humanity. (Crabs as a visual pun are only disgusting by nature.)
Look, kids. I'm not speaking as a Twilight fan. Hell, I have every reason to mock Stephanie Meyer's poorly written mainstream hit as the next person. But don't resort to this; don't give fuel to these hacks so they can waste your money, your time and quite possibly, your brain cells.
Ken Jeong, surely your career hasn't gone so far south that you have to star in this piece of turd of a film.
Oh, and before you go off on a tangent on why am I seeing this, if I don't like it? The same reason every critic goes to a bad film:
To analyze it on an intellectual basis and judge it and to prevent you from wasting money.
So with that, he's Vampires Suck.
Becca Swan moves to the town of Sporks with her father Frank. There, she meets Edward Sullen, a pale boy with a constipated look that can somehow do physical feats of wonder. Becca isn't sure who this boy is, but begins to suspect that he may be… a Jonas Brother! Or he could be a vampire.
I don't know how to quite say this but, here it goes.
This movie isn't completely, utterly terrible.
Don't get me wrong! Guys like LittleKuriboh, Seth MacFarlane and Edgar Wright are miles above these directors. But, as a movie, it comes off as more boring than irritating. (Distinguish that as you will).
As a Twilight Parody, they're not reproducing fresh material that already hasn't been satirized a million times before. Still, it's somehow refreshing to see someone with enough sense to see past Meyer's so called dark fairy tale. (At least someone admits that it's in Jacob's contract to pull off his shirt.)
Still, there are way too many things bogging this movie down to give it an actual recommendation. There are too many instances of slapstick, random pop culture moments ripped from the trailers (i.e. the forced Dear John reference), stupid gags and because this is a Jason Friedburg and Aaron Seltzer film, gay jokes to pad out time. They're unfunny, boring and just don't work. There's also a lot of product plugs in this movie: Tampax, Cheetos and oddly enough, the Segway.
Still, unlike their other pieces of drek, the writers at least put some jokes about Twilight and not constant pop culture references that you drive yourself crazy.
Normally, I wouldn't condone piracy, but in this case I'll make an exception. That or wait for it on cable or rent it on DVD.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
If the team of Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker refined the spoof genre, Friedburg and Seltzer are slowly killing it with their parodies. The Wayans Bros. may have weakened the genre, but look no further than Friedburg and Seltzer, with their lazy jokewriting, their cheap references and their teeth-grinding, completely unrelated rap numbers to kill the film area.
These men are bonafide 100 percent hacks of the highest level. Epic Movie was completely lazy while Meet the Spartans made me lose faith in humanity. (Crabs as a visual pun are only disgusting by nature.)
Look, kids. I'm not speaking as a Twilight fan. Hell, I have every reason to mock Stephanie Meyer's poorly written mainstream hit as the next person. But don't resort to this; don't give fuel to these hacks so they can waste your money, your time and quite possibly, your brain cells.
Ken Jeong, surely your career hasn't gone so far south that you have to star in this piece of turd of a film.
Oh, and before you go off on a tangent on why am I seeing this, if I don't like it? The same reason every critic goes to a bad film:
To analyze it on an intellectual basis and judge it and to prevent you from wasting money.
So with that, he's Vampires Suck.
Becca Swan moves to the town of Sporks with her father Frank. There, she meets Edward Sullen, a pale boy with a constipated look that can somehow do physical feats of wonder. Becca isn't sure who this boy is, but begins to suspect that he may be… a Jonas Brother! Or he could be a vampire.
I don't know how to quite say this but, here it goes.
This movie isn't completely, utterly terrible.
Don't get me wrong! Guys like LittleKuriboh, Seth MacFarlane and Edgar Wright are miles above these directors. But, as a movie, it comes off as more boring than irritating. (Distinguish that as you will).
As a Twilight Parody, they're not reproducing fresh material that already hasn't been satirized a million times before. Still, it's somehow refreshing to see someone with enough sense to see past Meyer's so called dark fairy tale. (At least someone admits that it's in Jacob's contract to pull off his shirt.)
Still, there are way too many things bogging this movie down to give it an actual recommendation. There are too many instances of slapstick, random pop culture moments ripped from the trailers (i.e. the forced Dear John reference), stupid gags and because this is a Jason Friedburg and Aaron Seltzer film, gay jokes to pad out time. They're unfunny, boring and just don't work. There's also a lot of product plugs in this movie: Tampax, Cheetos and oddly enough, the Segway.
Still, unlike their other pieces of drek, the writers at least put some jokes about Twilight and not constant pop culture references that you drive yourself crazy.
Normally, I wouldn't condone piracy, but in this case I'll make an exception. That or wait for it on cable or rent it on DVD.
Wait, so let me get this straight.
These guys have enough sense to put a Buffy reference, but not a single mention of Let the Right One In?
These guys have enough sense to put a Buffy reference, but not a single mention of Let the Right One In?
© 2010 - 2024 Burnouts3s3
Comments9
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Damn. If there was a porn with a midget woman and a donkey in it, would you call it a better movie than this?