Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), a review

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), a review

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Turtles in a half-shell

Turtle Power!

3 hit cartoon shows. 5 Feature Length releases. Millions of dollars in toy sales. A Broadway musical. 4 Turtles. Somehow, someway, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s satirical take on Frank Miller’s run of Daredevil made the two of them rich and famous. Their underground comic exploded when a cartoon spin-off started getting hit ratings. From there on, the Turtles became a phenomenon that no one could’ve predicted… until a third film got panned by both film critics and fans and a Sentai show took the throne away from them. Still, it’s a cultural milestone to witness, so who else to bring the Turtles back to life…

Than the guy who decided to add wrecking ball testicles to the Transformers? Yeah. So, ladies and gentlemen, Foot Ninja and Turtle, I present to you:

The Michael Bay produced, Johnathan Liebesman directed, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”

Darkness has settled over New York City as Shredder and The Foot Clan have an iron grip on everything from the police to the politicians. The future is grim until four unlikely outcast brothers rise from the sewers and discover their destiny as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The Turtles must work with fearless reporter April O'Neil and her wise-cracking cameraman Vernon Fenwick to save the city and unravel Shredder's diabolical plan.

While Michael Bay may have had a producing role in this film, his signature trademark is all over this: the 360 shots, the lens flare, the handheld shaky camera, the focus on Megan Fox’s… ‘assets’, glaring plotholes and lots and lots of product placement (Anyone else find it weird how the Turtles changed from being Domino’s Lovers to fans of Pizza Hut?). Also, the Foot Clan apparently uses AK-47s now. (Man, these are the weirdest ninjas this side of Konoha).

Unfortunately the main ‘plot’ of this movie focuses on April O’Neil trying to uncover a conspiracy involving her scientist father’s mysterious death and how it’s all connected with Eric Sack’s giant corporation. That’s right; it’s the plot of the Amazing Spider-man franchise. I’m not lying when I say the main plot involves an abandoned child who draws mysterious connections and a plot that involves the blood of a test subject and releasing a chemical agent all over a city with a climax of a falling communications tower. Not being a conspiracy buff myself, I sighed whenever this part of the movie showed up.

But, when the Turtles are on-screen, the movie becomes something different entirely. I really enjoyed myself during this portion. The turtles and Splinter all have distinct personalities of Leo being the leader, Raphael being the rebel, Donatello being the science wiz (I like that he has a Z scouter and a little bo staff that extends) and Michelangelo being the comic relief (though this means a lot of pop culture references). There’s even some good moments for Raphael becoming less of a rebel, respecting Leo and having a character moment. I even enjoyed some of the 3D during the 2^nd half when the producers realize the 3D only works in daylight. I think the rendering of the Turtles and Splinter was a little unfinished as it looked a little off when they’re against human creatures. But I thought the action scenes worked and I even liked Splinter’s super long tail and its use in fighting.

But, there will be a problem that many fans will hate about the origin story that I’m going to spoil in a section.

SPOILERS

Okay, so April feels like she’s met the Turtles somewhere before. That’s because her scientist father used to work with Eric Sacks, only to realize they were working for the Shredder. So, her father burned down their laboratory so that Shredder couldn’t get his hands on it. But, April manages to save the test subjects: a rat named Splinter and her pet turtles. Yes, the turtles were April’s pets before she released them into the sewer where they could mutate, Splinter can find a book on Ninjutsu and train them as such.

END OF SPOILERS

I didn’t hate this movie, but I have a much stronger tolerance for Michael Bay’s aesthetic. It’s not for everyone. In fact, I know of a certain “Game Overthinker” who’s going to have some harsh words for come this Friday Morning. When April is on-screen trying to find out about her scientist father, I could’ve cared less. But, when the movie is just about the Turtles being the Turtles, I enjoyed myself.

In fact, and I’m going to say it here, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the movie lost at the weekend box office to the superior (and much more deserving) Guardians of the Galaxy.

Movie-goers such as myself: Matinee

Strict fans/Haters of Michael Bay/Bob Chipmans: Rental/Cable/Avoid